6/2016
I left for three days and stayed for almost three weeks. Not what I had planned but what He had divinely planned. He doesn't need our permission to work in our lives once we've invited Him in. We are still given choice - just not always in choosing the circumstances. It's more a choice of how we'll respond to those unplanned, sometimes unwelcome, circumstances. That's where the choice lives. If we are wholly surrendered to Him, we will see it. The Opportunity.
It arrives quietly, wrapped in unassuming layers of 'inconveniences'. If we're not prepared for it, we will most certainly miss it. It's many times easier to pass right by it. If we're too busy, we'll miss it's quiet arrival. We must be grounded in Him. Eyes focused not on ourselves and our dreams, but on Him and His greater Plan.
And so it happened. We packed for three days and set out with our plans intact. One of us would leave as planned, the other would stay. Both would experience the Opportunity in different ways. It wasn't much of a struggle to recognize it. It was a whisper from a loving God who asked, "Will you stay for them, for Me?" "Yes", was the reply. I said goodbye to my love not knowing exactly when I'd see him again. With that first inconvenience a layer that wrapped the gift was removed. Sure, there were countless other inconveniences to encounter: fractured sleep, disruption to routine, missing my buddy and my usual morning coffee in the hot tub. The list of selfish inconveniences could go on. But, each one was removing yet another layer of the wrapping that concealed the gift. And so it went for almost three weeks. Layer after layer being removed. Each layer revealing yet another piece of the gift.
The gift emerges differently than a usual gift. You get to experience the gift in stages as it's being unwrapped. It's a joy to experience. It's not as if you have a set amount of layers to remove before you experience it. This isn't your usual birthday gift. Opened and enjoyed then placed to the side. Eternal gifts are different. They are experiences that nourish your heart and soul. They are from a God who loves you more than you'll understand. He knows the depth of the gift. How it will change your life and potentially other's lives. Even after the gift has been revealed, it keeps on blessing long after the initial blessing is received.
The opportunity was to bless me beyond measure. To be with a friend as she made the journey from this life to the next. To care for her in the simplest of ways was an honor I'd not yet experienced to this depth yet in this life. We laughed, we prayed, listened to her favorite music and tried to understand what the heck had just happened. Why? The heavens were silent, as they so many times are. Oftentimes, Opportunity arrives alongside deep suffering.
To be with my sister at this time would be the deepest aspect of the Opportunity. We grew closer in those weeks than I'd ever believed was possible. We come from different sides of the tracks in almost every way possible. But love is a pretty amazing thing and He knew that. Yes, I'd been praying for healing in this relationship. God works in mysterious ways. Did He bring about this circumstance to heal this relationship? No! Is He capable of what we consider the impossible? Yes. He is the Maker of Opportunities. He only asks if we are willing to participate in His Plan. Are we willing to unwrap the gift that has arrived so quietly into our lives? Will we accept a few silly inconveniences to experience something so deep and eternal?
I have images of those weeks seared into my memory. Grief like I'd never witnessed is one of them. The love that two people share is sometimes inexpressible. When we love deeply, we risk great loss and hurt. My sister experienced this and continues to do so. Another image is of my sister giving the gift of release to my friend. To be free from her shell to go on to express the truest form of her music. Being truthful that it'd be really hard but it would also be ok as she had known the greatest love she knew. My sister's love for my friend allowed her to be released to her truest, eternal self.
Together, my sister and I bathed and prepared my friend one final time. This too, was a sacred experience. We turned on her favorite music and in the light of one small lamp we bathed her, in love. While I'd done this many times before in my career, this was different. It was quiet, it was beautiful. Filled with meaning. The rain fell softly outside. The music quietly played "you are not alone". It was Holy. I left my sister to spend her last bit of time with my friend. I crawled into bed and wept silently. The pain of loss was palpable in the air. Opportunities are often filled with pain.
Soon the birds began to sing. First one then another and so on. The new day was dawning. How could it? Soon it was time to say our final goodbyes to my friend. Yes, she had been gone for some time now, but when you love deeply, even the shell that's left in the end is hard to let go of. Witnessing this was the most painful experience of all. To this point, I had felt somewhat able to provide comfort. It is a helpless feeling to witness your sister, who you now love more deeply than you ever thought you would, nearly crumble under the weight of her grief and loss. Another vision seared in my memory.
That day and the next are a blur. Tasks. Lots of them to be completed. Surrounded by friends is certainly a blessing at this time. There were some laughs tucked into those moments, coupled with tears of disbelief. Over the weeks, I had sat among women I really didn't know and grew to love them also. After all, they are to be some of my sister's lifelines throughout the rest of this lifetime. Some were my friend's family, others her and my sister's friends of many years. New friends are often found in these Opportunities if you open yourself to them.
Soon I would leave to be reunited with my beloved. He had flown solo for the last weeks and had come to some new realizations that only come when you have no one else to fill the void of time with. An inconvenience experienced by him that allowed him to remove a layer that exposed the Opportunity. New realizations and change are also often part of these Opportunities.
So, with this Opportunity still being unwrapped, we look forward to the hope that is beyond. I am forever changed by this Opportunity. So thankful for the ability to say "yes" and a partner in life that 'gets' me. Forever changed by a love for my sister I didn't see coming. Yes, there was always love there, but now it has blossomed by our shared experience, that mere words cannot adequately express. It is something beautiful He brought into our lives because He cares that much about us. He is in the business of healing. Not always the healing we're looking for at the moment, but healing that is needed. Healing that points to Him and His love for us. Healing that comes wrapped in layers of inconvenience.